1.) I looked like a jerk. I planned our Valentines for the 15th because of schedule conflicts on the 14th. However, I still came home on February 14th with a completely cheesy, but totally Valentines-acceptable gift of naming a star after my lover. Even though we had previously agreed that I would plan Valentines while Boyfriend planned our anniversary less than a month ago, I fully expected to be surprised by an elaborate marriage proposal a gift I "wasn't expecting." Instead, I got a "thanks, babe" and "I was going to send you an e-card." ...I wish I was joking. This meant Boyfriend spent the rest of the evening listening to me moan and whine about how much more romantic I am than he. Of course, the following day, our own Valentines Day, Boyfriend appeared with a box of pre-ordered chocolate covered strawberries and a card declaring his love for me. Please allow me to reiterate, the gift was pre-ordered. Meaning, I had punished Boyfriend for no reason...and I am an asshole. There, I said it, now are you happy, Boyfriend?
Fine, I'll admit it. He is sort of sweet.
2.) I made the worst date choice. I planned an afternoon of painting pottery, to be followed by a strict reservation at a fabulous Italian restaurant. For any normal couple, this would be an easy and relaxing way to spend some time together. We are not a normal couple. Apparently, when you are in a relationship with Picasso you simply cannot "rush a masterpiece." We had only a couple of hours to paint our pottery before leaving for dinner. I finished mine, a much larger piece might I add, in one and a half hours. This is a completely reasonable amount of time. However, I then spent the next hour and a half watching Boyfriend paint slower than a snail crossing the intersection. My little Monet was so involved that holding any conversation would obviously "ruin his concentration." Thus I sat in silence while humming to the playlist over the speakers and praying Boyfriend's piece would suffer from random spontaneous combustion.
Boyfriend has such delicate fingers.
The Met won't stop begging me for it.
3.) I took a wrestler to a tea party. Well, not really, but I did take Boyfriend to an extremely fancy restaurant, which is so not his cup of tea no pun intended. Simply put, Boyfriend is not exactly a fancy man. He does not believe in using napkins, but prefers the mobility and convenience of his pants legs. His idea of drinks with dinner is a very large soda with a twisty straw and chicken wings. Regardless, I dressed this man in a suit and brought him to a very nice dinner. He spent the evening making inappropriate jokes, drinking with his pinky in the air, and patting the sides of his mouth sarcastically with his napkin. I loved every minute of it.
My Valentines Day was not at all picture perfect. (We didn't even celebrate on the right day.) But my Valentines Day was spent with the most ridiculous, frustrating, time-consuming and often embarrasing man in my life. He is perfect for me, and I would not have changed a thing about February 15th. (Insert eye roll here.) I don't care. If you've been there, you get it. Everything went wrong, but everything was so right when I got to hold Boyfriend's hand and call him my Valentine. Happy Single Awareness Day, everyone. I hope yours was as ironically awesome as mine.
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