Three Arguments and One War

For my first official post in The Adventures, I will discuss the most prevalent problem in any young adult relationship: fighting. Boyfriend and I are prone to such instances of debauchery which usually end in me throwing something small at his head. I use these moments to put my hilarious sarcasm on display in all of its under-appreciated glory. Fights are the one time I am allowed to point out the fact that we’re always late because Boyfriend’s primping takes longer than Cher’s, or his obnoxious tendency to talk to animals in public as if they’re his friends is embarrassing. No...I am not joking.

But I digress.

The real point of this post? Three ridiculous arguments in my relationship, and one argument that I, as a self-respecting smart ass, will never back down from…

1.)    Socks belong in the hamper.  I am only going to repeat myself one more time. Socks belong in the hamper. They do not belong on the dining room table, nor do they belong next to my pillow. Socks do not belong in the dog’s bed or on the chair we offer guests when they would like to sit down. Socks have never been meant to remain in the shoes they just came out of or to sit for a week on the cushion where their owner resides. No, socks are meant to be worn and then disposed of in the hamper where apparently little fairies take them to the laundry mat. This is the only proper way to handle one’s socks. 

The opposing view: Socks belong wherever they land, even if they happen to land two inches from the hamper…on the floor…every single time.

2.)    Dinner should be a meal. I swear if Boyfriend were president he would create a holiday specifically to celebrate the Subway Sandwich. Everyone around the globe would enjoy a Subway Sandwich every day, free of charge, and he would call it Boyfriend's Subway Sandwich Day. They’re cheap, within walking distance of our NYC apartment, and according to Boyfriend, a perfectly acceptable meal for dinner every evening. In the eyes of Boyfriend, Jared is King. 

The opposing view:  I prefer real food.

3.) Toilet paper – over or under? This has, by far, been the biggest war my bathroom has seen since the flour fight of 2010 (pictures at a later date). Boyfriend thinks the toilet paper roll should roll under. 

The opposing view: Obviously, it should roll over. This is how the Waldorf Astoria does it, thus this is how it should be done. You would not see me walking around on my hands claiming it’s appropriate, now would you? Things are meant to go right side up for a reason.

And finally, we’ve come to the one argument I refuse to let die. This has been the thorn in my relationship’s side since day one, even once sending us to a couple’s counseling session. It is the start to all our serious arguments, and it begins in the kitchen.

It is his turn to do the dishes. It is always his turn to do the dishes, because it is always my turn to cook the dinners. Don't get me wrong, occasionally Boyfriend will get a little frisky. I’ll come home and the dishes will be done, leaving me to give him nothing but a treat and kind pat on the tush. However, usually I become far too frustrated with the lack of forks in my utensil drawer before this happens, and I clean every dish by myself while listening to the sweet melodies of T-Pain. This is followed by a round of gloating as Boyfriend must then make it up to me in some way (this usually includes candy compensation). If only Boyfriend would just do the dishes there would be no need for all the arguing, and The Dish War would be over. However, I have too much pride and a fabulous manicure, thus I will never surrender.